| Fuck the police |
[29 Apr 2006|12:27pm] |
| [ |
music |
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The Killers - 06 Andy You're a Star |
] |
I haven't forgotten about you. Well maybe I have. Here's a little story to help pass the time while I'm gone for another month:
Last night, I noticed flashing lights outside my window so I went to my car to smoke a cigarette (one bird, two stones). This guy was wasted and driving down my street...and they gave him a ticket but didn't take him downtown. They told him he had to walk, not to drive. So the officer is walking back to his patrol car and this douche bag starts his car up. So the cop runs back and yells, "Hey mother fucker, you aren't driving. I told you to walk and you start your car before I'm even gone???" So the guy whines about thinking he had to park somewhere else and finally gets out of his car. The cop leaves, I go inside because I didn't want to talk to the drunk guy if he walked by me. Thirty minutes later, I noticed his truck was not parked on my street anymore. Thanks SAPD for keeping my neighborhood safe. What the fuck would possess them to put a drunk driver on the honor system?? I know downtown's crowded right now, but do your job you fat son of a bitch.
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| They were born and then they lived and then they died |
[25 Mar 2006|08:30pm] |
| [ |
music |
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The Smiths - Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others |
] |
I hate when people ask me what I've been up to. This inevatably leads to one sentence uncontollably leaving my mouth: "Oh, you know, work and school." It's the truth. It's what I've been up to, but I feel like reducing my present life down to that sentence is demeaning. Then I'm forced to think to myself, That's not really ALL I do, is it? This then brings me to the realization that my free time isn't very well spent. So next time someone asks me this, I plan to spout something about how I've done little more than unsuccessfully try to avoid self-deprecating inner monologues for the past few years. It could be worse, I could be Canadian. I think what I'm getting at is that I've been running into many people who are either a) married, b) in a very stable relationship, or c) parents. Either way, I feel like my life isn't as serious because I'm in a very different place and don't plan to catch up with them for a long while. See, right there, I inadvertantly implied that I am behind in the race.
I complain, but I like my name. I dread the day "I" and "me" becomes "us" and "we" (however, not respectively, that's just bad grammer). Plus, I'm totally a blue jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. I don't like roses or car doors being opened and I'd rather not go to a fancy restaurant. I'm not low class; I enjoy plays and nice cars - I just hate the whole pretentious hassle of dating. Let's go drink in the dollar theater. This is fun for guys at first, but very soon it usually leads to them taking me for granted. Don't get me wrong, I'm no victim, but its exhausting after a while. I think I have a bad attitude about relationships, but some part of me wants one. If I wasn't so stubborn I could exhale the negative and move on, but I'm a true Taurus. I think I'm going to move on to something a little more personal and I don't know why. I have no plan to make this entry private.
I believe I hold everyone at a safe distance. I'm not very good with trust. I always thought this was a recent development in my personality, but now I'm starting to see that I've always been like this. I've been very close with a few people, but for the most part I wade around in the shallow end of the social pool. As far back as I can remember (with a few exceptions), I've been in relationships that I can snap out of. I'm not lying to myself or pretending to be okay. I get over it pretty fast. Perhaps I wasn't so far under it to begin with? Maybe I'm not as genuine as I have always believed. I've also noticed that the guys I blew off in the recent past were not so bad. No, my standards aren't lower, I've just had a chance to get to know them as friends. When they don't threaten my independence, I tend to let them a little closer. Well, I haven't wasted your time, dear reader. No, friend, I plan to change. I don't think I'll ever be the girl people assume to be affectionate, but mark my words, I'll try.
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| We'll ease back into it for now. |
[13 Jan 2006|04:40pm] |
I'm afraid this entry will go unnoticed. I haven't written in so long. I've been meaning to though. I looked at my calender view and realized I've been writing here since 2002...that's a long time. And yet, I've said nothing. NOTHING. So why are you reading this? Because I'm irresistable.
Well, I'll begin with a disgusting anecdote. My brother just knocked on my door and asked me to "help him with something." He was standing in my doorway with a pair of boxer shorts. These sentences are not embellished, the words actually came out of his mouth: "Hey, smell these and tell me if they're clean. *pause to notice the incredulous look on my face* My nose is all clogged up, just smell the side! I don't have any left and I need to know if I should wash them before work." Ugh. The worst part is that I did indeed perform this favor for him...oh no wait, the worst part is that they weren't clean.
I know I'm a little late in the game, but I just realized that Blink 182 is an amazing band.
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[10 Oct 2005|12:48am] |
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If fish have three-second memories, is it fair that they leave lingering impressions? Maybe it's just a myth, but I'm sure the gentle waves help to remove unwanted residue. I hate the ocean, but I love the sand.
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| It coincides with Steve's entry, but hell... |
[08 Oct 2005|04:27pm] |
Yesterday was Calista's 2nd bday! I got up at 7 and went to training for work until three at the Valero building. It was soooooo boring, but it could have been worse: free Subway & they even paid us for longer than we were there. Since I was halfway across town anyway, I went to my brother's house & spent the day with my neicey. I even took her to my mom's office at UTSA. It's cute because if you whisper to her, she'll whisper back. This is how I kept her whispering/quiet & pointed her to my mom's office & told her to run over there. So she booked it across the hallway in her pink fuzzy feety-pajamas, sees my mom & yells "Gammawww." It was cute, don't call me names. As you can imagine, I was exhausted by 7:30 when I got home.
So I layed down and tried to rest, but my phone kept ringing and eventually I gave in & went to a small party with Johnny B & Steve-o. It was fun & the girls were undeniably adorable dancing drunk to 80's music & then emo (which made me a happy Shanna). Once I was drunk, I was singing & trying to get Steve to dance right beside them. In the end, we took a million pictures, but not on my camera. :( So sometime after my third shot, I was feeling the liquid courage & one of the guys was out on the porch smoking (and looking hawt) so I went to join him. I didn't wanna leave him alone you know? :P It turned out he was actually smart & interesting & not a complete fool. So I talked to him for a bit, went back inside & sat on the couch. Later, he came & sat next to me (the 3rd person on a love seat). Ahhh. So yeah, we were talking & he had his hand on my knee & was leaning into me & I was thinking I should ask if he wanted to smoke another cig with me...but then I thought John & Steve would make fun of me later. Then......shit hit the fan. One of our gracious hosts disappeared & went swimming. Then came back saying no one cared about her. Then both of the girl's whose apartment we were in went swimming...swearing they weren't cold. Then one was crying & the other was angry (& even provoking the other to cry more). And I was wondering what the hell just happened? We all escaped to Chacho's which made things worse for the girls. In the end, it was 4 am & everyone was that horrible shade of sober that can only be obtained when something wierd happens to kill how drunk you were. And that's the story of the drunk girls & the hawtie that got away. All in all, believe it or not, I had tons of fun & would do it again. We all get a little crazy when we drink sometimes. So how can I really blame them? Plus if you saw how cute they were dancing & singing, you'd forgive them too. Two thumbs up for plenty of action & a tangled plot with a surprise ending that will leave you wanting more! Rated PG for fighting and sexual innuendo (no nudity though)
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| Your hands, they move like waves over me |
[06 Oct 2005|12:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Iron & Wine - The Sea and the Rhythm |
] |
I have officially decided that, after I get my degree, I am going to move somewhere cold. I know you'll miss me, but I want...no, i NEED to wear a scarf. all the time. period. And that's all she wrote. Oh no wait, something more. I saw Bob's friend Nydia (sp?) at UTSA today & it just has to be said: I think she's the loveliest girl ever. Not in the gay way. Seriously, she carries with her some refreshing aura of squeezable kittens, or is it fresh squeezed lemonade? Nonetheless, she seems quite genuine. I also just realized that Bob took me off his friend list like a million years ago & I forgot to take him off of mine (out of courtesy?). I don't know, so I did it right now, but it felt petty. I also got a letter from the orthopedic specialist today about my appointment. If you're wondering why they didn't call, I'm guessing its because they didn't want to hear me cry. My appointment which is somehow considered "ASAP" is December 7th. So first I yelled and squished the paper into a tight ball & threw it (like a girl) at something not very far away. Then I turned off my light & cried for like an hour. It felt so emo. And in the end, I didn't feel better. I just feel really really cheated. I waited 6 weeks to finally see the stupid doctor who has spent a total of ten minutes in two appointments with me & then just referred me to a specialist...who promptly booked me an appointment. I'm considering going to dispute the bill. How can they expect me to pay cash for that? It's not fair. :( I hate it, and yes, I'm a childish, stubborn Taurus. I'm too tired for this. I like not having my car this week. It's giving me time to relax with my family. Goodnight moon.
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| Give me ambiguity or give me something else... |
[27 Sep 2005|02:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Tori Amos: Cooling |
] |
I'm tired. I'm taking 15 hours this semester because I figured I'm smart, I can do it. I always put minimal effort out in classes & pull an A so I figured...15 hours, whatever. Not exactly. I'm taking two honors classes so I can graduate Business honors so those suck. I have to write a paper every freaking week for one class. Ugh. Enough with the whining though. On to the complaining...
I've been dating this guy for a little while & he's really great, super nice, good looking, all that crap. blah blah blah. Well with that & school, I haven't spent quality time with a lot of my friends in a while. Plus I think I'm naturally dispositioned to dislike relationships recently anyways. So I feel this growing resentment everytime we go out because if I weren't with him I could be with other people. How juvenile right? I'm a mess. Then I almost died today. and it made me almost cry. In the end it was just one more reason for me to not write my paper. I'm living the american dream, outsmarting 18 wheelers & procrastinating...ah yes, and anal sex too.
I bought these little gift card thingies for my mom & me to go to a spa for like 5 visits. It looks like it will be really fun & relaxing. I can't wait to go. Shamrock closes down on Sunday so I get a 3 month vacation...like I deserve it, haha. I promise my next entry will be soon & filled with lovely rainbow thoughts. or nekkid pics.
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| I haven't updated in like a month & I post this crap?! |
[22 Sep 2005|05:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pissed off |
] |
Do you ever get the feeling that this whole New Orleans situation is just giving people their much-needed excuse to be racist? I'm sick of people bitching because "the evacuees blamed Bush" or "they aren't grateful enough for our help." Hey asshole, guess what?! Millions of Americans blamed Bush for the situation, and I'm pretty sure they aren't all black. Secondly, when you donate time or money to the relief effort, it's supposed to be out of the goodness of your heart, so why are you concerned with their reactions? Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back because you gave up a hundred dollars or a few hours. They'd do the same for us. YES they would. If all my worldly possessions were just taken away from me, I'd be in a bad mood too. AND I'd want to get drunk. So shut the fuck up, it's not our place to judge. And stop acting like they were all freeloading welfare rats. The people who are sleeping in our shelters simply don't have a second home or a nearby family member in a city other than New Orleans; it doesn't mean they didn't pay taxes. They have nowhere to go. The ethical thing to do is to help them. This is our duty, not as taxpayers or as American citizens, but as fellow human beings. So we're really not doing such a great feat by helping, merely our moral duty. If it brings you happiness to help your fellow man - great, enjoy it, you deserve it. But if you're bitching because you disagree with something that's happening, I have one thing to say to you - shut the fuck up. You aren't in that situation so you don't know how grateful you'd be or how differently you'd act. Justice comes from above, not from a hateful peer. If one more person that I barely know musters up the impudence to trash the evacuees in conversation to me, I swear I'm going to punch them right in the fucking face. Just because you buy into right-wing ideology doesn't mean the whole world wants to hear you preach...especially when you only learned the train of thought from your wealthy parents upon whom you are still very dependent. Until you can independently live in a world without social services, don't tell me they're a waste of money. Until that day, the fact that you don't need social services is merely fortune, not desert. Come on America, just come out and say it...you don't like black people. Hey, I have an idea! We can force the entire race into hard labor until we feel they have repaid us for our kindness. Or maybe I've just blown this out of proportion? No, I'm pretty sure I'm just sick of hearing assholes bash the victims of Katrina.
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| I don't think I need to be forgiven. |
[29 Aug 2005|11:51am] |
| [ |
mood |
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drugged |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Andy Tubman: Quiet Inside |
] |
I woke up this morning feeling great, took a shower, went to the doctor. I spent at least 2 hours feeling normal & ...normal. Then I ate some Wendy's w/Colin & I feel really really wierd. Like I'm on drugs, but not just weed. Like I'm on drugs. I think Wendy's drugged my drink. and I have class in 30 mins. oh my god.
ok, I also was thinking of this this morning: One time, my brother snuck out his window & locked the door to his room behind him so my mom couldn't get in. He came home all drunk/stoned/etc & my mom had had enough! While he was at high school the next day, she took his door off the hinges & hid it behind our couch. That was his punishment...no door. So he came home from school & she was at work. He couldn't find his door, so he took her door & put it on his hinges. and we all had an amazing laugh in the end. I love my family.
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[14 Aug 2005|05:50pm] |
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music |
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Lynard Skynard - Freebird |
] |
The way we are raised, the movies we see, the books we read, lessons we learn, they all seem to hint at one thing...grow up, get married, have kids. Then we hit puberty. We have a few meaningless relationships & maybe a couple of failed long term ones as well. We graduate, move seamlessly into higher education or full time work, even sometimes both. It becomes increasingly apparent that all those stories are false & there is indeed (a wonderful) life outside of "love." I like to think I'm pretty independent. Because of this, I've sort of begun to believe that maybe starting a family isn't everything for me. I went to Jeff & Lauren's wedding yesterday & I'm completely enamored with them anyways because they're both lovely people. So afterwards we go to their apartment. Eva's upstairs sleeping & we all just kind of hang around & make dumb jokes about stuff no one else would find as funny. This is us. Right around then I realized that reality is twice as romantic as the movies. Because Jeff is in jeans & Lauren's just removed a million pins from her hair & they're back to being normal. And it's romantic because it's real, it's not some fairy tale that sure to end soon. Nope, this is life & I think THAT is everything. So maybe what I'm doing is the anti-fairy tale, the opposite of what we're raised to do, but just as unrealistic. I'm afraid I'll soon find a time where my life won't solely consist of laughing with my friends. But maybe it won't be so bad, I mean, look at Jeff & Lauren.
Obligatory "before" shots in the car:
At the wedding:
Craig caught the garter belt!
They're exhausted & I'm still taking pics...
Ole!
John said something dumb!
After, awwww:
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| Random crap |
[10 Aug 2005|04:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 embarrassed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Weezer - Tired Of Sex |
] |
At first, it started as something I did because I was bored. Now it's become a bit of a habit. I don't even like to do it, I just need to sometimes. I take no satisfaction in it, in fact, it makes me feel downright ashamed. That's right, I can't stop watching Gilmore Girls...
Wow, I just found out I have the reflexes of a cat! My brother scared me by jumping in front of me when I came out of my room (I suspect this was an attempt at payback, see below). Before I could stop myself, I punched him really hard in the chest & knocked him into the wall. Haha. I guess I caught him off gaurd or something b/c he's not a small guy.
Yesterday he was in the shower & there's a small window at face level in there that also faces our front porch. I remembered it was open & only the screen was protecting him. So I snuck onto the porch & knocked on the frame of the window & he assumed it was his friend and goes "hang on, what do you want man??" I mumbled something unintelligible in a deep voice so he would look to see who it was then I threw a glassful of FREEZING water at him. It was funny but he said he slipped & almost fell. Don't try this at home kids. But yeah, I got him good.
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| So much to talk about, so little to say |
[09 Aug 2005|03:40am] |
Saturday was Lauren's bachelorette party. It was awesome. We finished off 1.75 liters of Cuervo. Jesus. There was a stripper & he put his man parts against me lots of times. Hawt. Yeah, I got 2 lap dances though (I guess that's what they're called?). So we partied at this girl's apt til 2 then Lauren, Monica, Echo, & I went to Craigs. I got to play with a baby for a while. Everyone passed out but Lauren wouldn't wake up so I could take her back to her car (& I didn't want her to drive drunk) so I just stayed up til 8 am. Then me, Jackson, & Crabtree got high & I finally dropped Lauren off. I hope she had fun!!!! :) I walked into my house at 8:30 am & my mom poked her head out of her studio & cleared her throat like she'd been expecting me. I apologized & she just laughed at me. I love my mom. Sunday we went and saw a decent cover band at The Place & played some pool/darts. I really suck at darts you guys.
So my knee (which has been injured since I was like 8) has no life left in it. I don't know what to do, it's scary. I've been eating more vitamins than food & wrapping it & covering it with this herbal patch medicine & heating it & icing it & resting it & blahblahblah...nothing works. I really wish I had insurance. I'm going to carelink tomorrow to see if they'll accept my application & then they'll put me on a payment plan to pay for whatever million dollar bullshit treatment I get from some asshole at the shitty hospital. The worst part is that I went to the doctor for this before (twice) when I had insurance. It was when my mom was paralyzed so I had medicaid or CHIPs or whatever & the fag doctor said "Oh it's just growing pains"...twice. Stupid HMOs. So I can't even really drive b/c its my right knee. I've just been downloading music all day. Rock.
Info called me today. I have an interview at 10am tomorrow (its almost 4 am right now, ach). They gave me a pretty sweet schedule so I'm happy. Also, I'm simultaneously screwing my old jobs corporate office. They asked me to go train someone in Seguin & fix their computer system. I told them I'd get back to them...and I didn't! I'm such a nerd, but I do feel a little vindicated.
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[05 Aug 2005|03:21pm] |
I'm taking Christoph's lead. I want to explore those perceptions that trigger memories for me. For some reason, I can pinpoint the smell of Northwest Crossing elementary & (a completely different) Elrod as well, but I can't even begin to remember how they look inside, the shape of their hallways, or anything specific at all. Whenever it gets windy & you can tell its about to rain, I remember trick-or-treating on a particular Halloween with my family, dressed as a ninja turtles - I was Donatello, but I really wanted to be Michaelangelo. I guess that's how the weather was that night. By far, the strongest sense I have tied to memory is sound - the sound of music, that is.
Oddly enough, Deftones - Around the Fur also makes me think of Ozzfest. It makes me think of my long lost pink bic lighter, Chris Blair, Mark Hassel, & Vanessa Pena.
AFI - Black Sails in the Sunset: Christina (Vanessa's girlfriend, Robert/Mark's friend). I don't remember her last name, and I probably couldn't pick her out of a lineup, but I remember I really admired her for being so honest, intelligent, and evolved.
Mouthwash - Saving Grace: My morning drive to PAC to CLEP out of my English class. It was the first time I heard this song & it's still one of my favorites.
Tori Amos - To Venus & Back: My sophomore year at Churchill, missing all of my friends & wishing I could go home. I loved that CD so I listened to it all the time.
Alien Ant Farm - Smooth Criminal: Berryman. When I first met him, he would always listen to/sing this song. I remember I had a huuuuuge crush on him for a couple weeks & I would hear that song & be all hearts in my eyes. haha.
David Allen Coe - You Never Even Called Me By My Name: Pool at Bradleys & missing my cousin Jeremy.
311 - Self Titled?: Drinking waaaay too much with Jonathan way to often for the first year of our relationship. Is that bad? haha
Etta James - My birthday present mix cd from Mark DeAnda, by far one of the top 3 gifts I've received (along with my Hierophant painting!). Also, driving to San Marcos with my Mom and Dave. She took off work to go check out the campus with me.
Sublime - 40 oz to Freedom: Meeting Shawn on the bus in 10th grade (on both of our first days at Churchill). I remember seeing the stupid mushroom patch on his black Jansport & talking about where we came from.
Millencolin or Rancid - any song/cd: Trading good music with Colin, may our illegal bond never be broken.
I can think of a million more, but my finger hurts from Colin breaking it. Argh. ...and just for the record, Jello always makes me think of Marian. :) <3
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| This probably isn't as funny to everyone else |
[04 Aug 2005|01:34am] |
So I'm bored & obsessed w/my new yahoo homepage so I think to myself, "Self," I say, "Self, if yahoo's personalized homepage is this great, the chatrooms must be entertaining." I suppose I was right, but man these people are fucking gay. What I don't understand is why this guy keeps talking to me...
[Some names have been altered to protect the innocent]
IMnetRetard: hi
IMnetRetard: darling
Banana: [looks at profile] married men shouldn't call people darling
IMnetRetard: oh common
IMnetRetard: u old fashion
Banana: if by "old fashion" you mean, "not an adultress"...then yes
IMnetRetard: yeh sexy
IMnetRetard: wanna have sex with me
Banana: haha yes
IMnetRetard: then common
IMnetRetard: wht happen
IMnetRetard: afraid of sex
Banana: yeah, i heard it gives you bad vision
IMnetRetard: wht
IMnetRetard: where r u frm?
Banana: the big lebowski is on
IMnetRetard: oh ho
Banana: what'd you call me?
IMnetRetard: tell me wht u like to do in ur life
IMnetRetard: darling
Banana: i like to watch the big lebowski
IMnetRetard: thts good
IMnetRetard: and wht u like other things
IMnetRetard: making frnds
Banana: nope
Banana: just the big lebowski
IMnetRetard: oh common
Banana: yeah anything with steve buscemi
Banana: but mostly just the big lebowski
IMnetRetard: ok
IMnetRetard: where r u now
Banana: in front of my tv. watching the big lebowski.
Banana: does that make you hot?
IMnetRetard: oh darling
IMnetRetard: its really hot
IMnetRetard: my pennis gets up
Banana: hot like steve buscemi?
Banana: cuz thats not hot at all
IMnetRetard: but i became na darling
Banana: thats not a coherent sentence. try again.
IMnetRetard: why
Banana: shall we strike it from the record?
IMnetRetard: where r u now?
Banana: i'm in front of my tv, remember?
Banana: ...big lebowski...
IMnetRetard: ok darling
IMnetRetard: place
IMnetRetard: country
Banana: I like how Lebowski calls himself "the dude"
IMnetRetard: oh u sexy
Banana: I think if I was a guy, I'd surely make that my nickname
IMnetRetard: u really make me hot
IMnetRetard: u like sex
IMnetRetard: i like the big deck
IMnetRetard: dog shot
Banana: nono, we've been over this already. I like the big Lebowski
IMnetRetard: oh common darling
Banana: and the occasional alternate Steve Buscemi film
IMnetRetard: wht i m telling and wht u r responding
IMnetRetard: how long u
IMnetRetard: height
Banana: you spelled "what" wrong
IMnetRetard: ur figure
IMnetRetard: i know
IMnetRetard: its shortcut method
IMnetRetard: time saving darling
IMnetRetard: ok now
IMnetRetard: your sweet name please
Banana: if you were that strapped for time why would you be wasting so much of it tyring to convince me that The Big Lebowski isn't the greatest movie EVAR
IMnetRetard: i know what u r telling is right
IMnetRetard: but i wants to know you darling
IMnetRetard: now common
IMnetRetard: tell me about yourself?
IMnetRetard: common
Banana: have you ever been to dictionary.com?
Banana: thats a good site.
Banana: you should go & while you're there, look up "common"
IMnetRetard: its typing mistake
IMnetRetard: darling
IMnetRetard: are you teacher
IMnetRetard: i mean english grammer teacher
Banana: yeah i must be...
...and it just goes on like that. The way he keeps saying "common" reminds me of that Michael McDonald character on Mad TV. "Come on Shelly, come on." The sad thing is, I don't particularly like The Big Lebowski much at all. It makes me sad when Donny dies. Oh crap, did I just ruin the ending for you?
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| THESE are the words you wish you wrote down. |
[01 Aug 2005|07:20pm] |
Do not take what I'm about to say lightly. You wish you were me. Here is why:
Today while I was at UTSA, I saw a sign for students to participate in a study about alcohol. Needless to say, I took note of the phone number...and called it immediately. She just called me back. Long story short, I'm getting paid $10 an hour to get wasted. Well maybe not wasted, but 3 drinks in 15 minutes. Oh GOD yes. The study will take a few hours, but then I get to get paid to sober up. FUCK YES.
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| OH OH, MEG, she torched your ass man! She torched your ass |
[01 Aug 2005|05:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Bombshell Rocks |
] |
Whew. Today was the most productive day I've had in a while. Based on the unfortunate series of events recently (and a few really great ones as well), I've finally decided that it's best to stay here & go to UTSA. So I went down to UTSA & enrolled in the Honors Business College! Wooooo. Then I got all my scholarship/financial aid shtuff straight, and got set up for advising tomorrowwwwwww. Also, I went to InfoNXX, applied/tested there & did "very good" as my results said. I am so smart...SMRT.
In other news, I now have seasons 1 & 4 of Home Movies, also most of 2 & 3. I changed my homepage to yahoo b/c they have that personalized front page you can make & it gives me my horoscope, email, baseball stats, etc. Yahoooooooooooo! OMG, as if my taste in men wasn't crappy enough already, I have proof that I'm gonna end up marrying some psycho or creep. I have the hots for one of my neighbors b/c well...he's hot. Then it just hit me, he's the same neighbor of mine who, a couple years ago, baracaded himself in his house & threated to set off a bomb. and all these cops & special forces closed off my street & wouldn't let us come out of our homes. There were marks in the grass in our front yard where the snipers set up their tripods & shite. I'm retarded.
-=Banana out=-
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[28 Jul 2005|07:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pleased |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Hawthorne Heights: Ohio is for Lovers |
] |
For some reason, I have always had the biggest crush on Hank Azaria.
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| "I said there's nothing that I can do for you, you can't do for yourself" |
[25 Jul 2005|01:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
enlightened |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
bright eyes - bowl of oranges |
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Yup. There it is.... I get the Maxell joke now.
We went to the lake for Jeff's 21st bday. It was good fun. My face is a little sunburned. I always love how it looks & so I won't wear makeup for a couple weeks now. My legs are still white though. I brought my camera but forgot to take pictures. Fast Eddy's is the Bradley's for Mexicans. Ugh. It is way nicer than Bradley's, has awesomely squishy carpet, but the alcohol is pricier (particularly the tequila) & the music is mostly ghetto. I'll probably still go back though. But damn, that music is whack...except the did play "My Name Is Jonas" and "Call of Ktulu" so I suppose it could have been worse. Bye bye.
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| I'm such an ass. |
[21 Jul 2005|08:30pm] |
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music |
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Iron And Wine - Jezebel |
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Why do I have such the forgotten middle child syndrome?? My younger brother has a DWI & no license, so it's always about where he needs to go/be/do or how much money he needs to borrow to pay what fine. My older brother has a baby & a crazy "girlfriend" so it's always about what they're doing wrong, how we can bend over backwards to fix their mistakes, what they need but can't afford & how we can provide/deliver it for them. My Dad has warrants so he skipped town & has no phone so we can't call him. He gets a hold of us when he wants something. He calls me at like 11pm last night wanting me to wake up early & go pick up some of his stuff that he hastily left behind & deliver it to my grandmother while she's passing through town. The problem: it's at my brother's house 30 minutes away & he has no phone so I get to drive there in the morning & hope they're home & will answer. If my dad could come into town w/out my brother's g/f calling the cops on him for warrants, then I wouldn't have to waste my time & gas. If they would clean their house so my grandmother could just stop & pick up the stuff for my dad, then I wouldn't have to waste my time & gas. If my other brother wasnt such a screw up he could go & do it himself & I wouldn't have to waste my fucking time & gas. Nevermind that I'm flat broke & trying to figure out how I can pay to get the fuck away from this mess, I apparently have an endless supply of gas. Nevermind that I had a final exam I needed to cram for, I apparently can just wing it. Nevermind any of that because good ol Shanna won't say no. She'll only allude to the fact that it's really inconvenient & hope her father picks up on it. no such luck. thats right, i'm done with punctuation right now asshole. FUCK.
So then what happens? I'm stressed as shit about money & having to borrow it to pay for school b/c I am not a debtor. It's very much against my nature. Oh, but my mom has an ACCD job now. So now my brothers get free ACCD tuition. While I've shelled out thousands of my own dollars to pay for my school, now the two fuckups get free tuition. I know its selfish for me to be bitter, but you know what...I am. I'm so pissed that they both got their perfect cars handed to them when they graduated, but I happened to graduate at the exact time that my mom lost all of her money so I got nothing. I hate that everyone knows I'm smart. and when they hear I didn't go to Incarnate Word they wince. I know if I go to UTSA I'll get that same reaction for the rest of my life. because I haven't lived up to my potential. Like that's all I need...the potential. Nevermind that there's no money backing me except what I make on my own which then counters any financial aid I may have been eligible for. Apparently these schools just know that I'm smart so they're supposed to hand me a free education. No such fucking luck.
And you know what, all this shit makes me want to drink. That's right I get angry & I want to drink. Boo fucking hoo. I'm a 21 y/o college student & if I want to party, I will. So my mom hears that I'm upset about a lack of money & automatically demands to know how much I've spent partying these past few months. "Less than I spent on gas driving your two shitty kids around all fucking year" I told her...because that had to make the situation better, right? God damn. Fuck. Then I get the "Stop feeling sorry for yourself" lecture, which I totally deserve b/c I have no reason to feel sorry for myself. I'm blessed with a great family, a million awesome friends, a good head on my shoulders & a hot rack directly under that head. I get pissed off about one thing...money. It pulls everything else into it. No money, no health care, no good car, no good education...just one big fucking pity party in my honor. And a long ass LJ rant that makes me want to delete it just thinking about it.
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